Shitty Situations: Acceptance vs. Activism

I try very hard to practice Radical Acceptance, a term coined by my spiritual guru, Tara Brach, and baby, it ain’t always easy.

Tara Brach is a modern-day American psychologist and engaged Buddhist (Buddhists who are seeking ways to apply the insights from meditation practice and dharma teachings to situations of social, political, environmental, and economic suffering and injustice). She broadcasts her talks free via her website and iTunes. She’s written some life-changing books. I will post more details about this lady and her teachings in the future.

Tara’s 2004 book Radical Acceptance discusses the unfortunate human condition to delve into the trance of unworthiness but guides us in healing the shame and fear that bind our hearts.

Radical Acceptance, simply put is “Clearly recognizing what is happening inside us, and regarding what we see with an open, kind and loving heart. If we are holding back from any part of our experience, if our heart shuts out any part of who we are and what we feel, we are fueling the fears and feelings of separation that sustain the trance of unworthiness.” (Brach) 

Last night, via Tara’s podcast archives, I stumbled on the exact information I was longing for lately: How do I practice Acceptance and Activism at the same time?

My ex-husband can be a bully. I don't have close family in close proximity. There is blatant sexism and racism in the media. Our government is fucking lying to us. I've experienced deep unrequited love. I don’t have enough quality time with my kids. Someone I cared about sexually violated me.

The Buddhist teaching is that I must accept these situations and practice forgiveness, tolerance and patience. I shall meditate every day and every night and breathe out the anger and frustrations I feel. I must practice calmness and passivity.

Wrong.

Tara’s let me know that it is NOT the situation that needs your acceptance, but the feelings that the situation provokes that need your full attention and presence.

My ex-husband can be a bully. I don't have close family in close proximity. There is blatant sexism and racism in the media. The government is fucking lying to us. I've experienced deep unrequited love. I don’t have enough quality time with my kids. Someone I cared about sexually violated me.

…. and, er... how does that make you feel?

And that’s the tricky part.

When a shitty situation arises I will try to sit with the feelings that arise for a good 7 minutes. The feelings can be “unpleasant” but the goal is to REALLY feel them, no matter how bad they taste, without pushing them away, then label them and feel the quality each one has.

Anger. Annoyance. Loneliness. Frustration. Shame. Unworthiness. Loss of control. Fear.

I accept each of these feelings and allow them to be part of the experience. Once I have acknowledged and felt each of these feelings, welcomed them, then I am free to make an active change if that's what I want.

Girl, you must accept the feelings that evoke from the situation but you do not have to accept to live with this situation. If you cannot change a situation -- you can learn to live with it. Thus learning to live with the feelings (new or old) that evoke each time.

Now live with that.

I'm Only Sexy When I Say it's OK

Um, and so should YOU.

From one tiny badass Feminist in a leotard to another,  
I can't take the pressure either.

Ladies Learning Code

After taking numerous dumps on HTML files while helping out at work (I have no formal coding training), my developer co-worker, a gentle and supportive man, suggested I try a few courses at Ladies Learning Code.

Why Should I? I asked.

“Because they are an awesome organization, their courses are affordable, they cover the basics and you’ll be learning with other women in tech which might appeal to you.”  

Ladies Learning Code are a not-for-profit organization with the mission to become the leading resource for women and youth to become passionate builders - not just consumers - of technology by learning technical skills in a hands-on, social, and collaborative way.

My co-worker knows this because he took a few courses there (their courses are open to men too). He also recognizes, like me, that women are very underrepresented in the field of technology.

I immediately enrolled in a day-long course on a Saturday and learned some basic HTML & CSS practices I wasn’t using correctly in my files at work. The event was well-run, jam-packed with 20-something G.O.A.T.'s, benevolent volunteers, and a posh catered lunch.

So far in my world there are only a handful of ladies I know who love coding, use coding regularly and make profit out of it but in time, thanks to this grassroots organization all that will change for the future of ladies in this male-dominated industry. There are programs for young girls and youths which are designed to help girls see technology in a whole new light – as a medium for self-expression, and as a means for changing the world.

Violence Against Women: He Beat Me